Time machines

Rambler Classic wagon in 1961, when the marque was riding high.

   Let’s pretend, just for a few minutes, that this column really is a time machine – and one that allows us to travel forward through the years as well as back.
   But first, let’s stay in the present and look at new car sales in Canada in 2011.
   1) Ford – 267,778 units, led by the F-series pickup.
   2) Dodge/Ram – 167,636
   3) Chevrolet – 150,540
   4) Toyota – 144,176
   5) Hyundai – 129,240
   6) Honda – 107,849
   7) Nissan – 77,371
   GMC – 72,989
   9) Mazda – 69,186
   10) Kia – 65,123
    Now let’s hop back in the time machine and travel forward 50 years, to 2062, where we find that the Nos. 3 through 7 top sellers from 2012 – Chevrolet, Toyota, Hyundai, Honda and Nissan – are gone. Kaput. Just memories kept alive by enthusiasts at vintage car shows.
   Impossible, you say? Well, it’s time for another trip in the time machine. This time we’ll go back 50 years, to 1961. North America’s best-selling automotive brands that year were:
   1) Ford – 1,338,790 units
   2) Chevrolet – 1,318,014
   3) Rambler – 377,902
   4) Plymouth – 356,257
   5) Pontiac – 340,635
   6) Oldsmobile – 317,548
   7) Mercury – 317,351
   Buick – 276,754
   9) Dodge – 269,367
   10) Cadillac – 138,379
   Okay, you can see where I’m going with this. Numbers 3 through 7 from 1961 are gone. Kaput. And unlike Studebaker, Checker or De Soto, these brands were far from being on life support back then.
   What happened?
   Mostly, the domestic manufacturers got fat – and lazy – and didn’t give consumers what they wanted in terms of quality, reliability or fuel economy. That opened the door for the Asian automakers – first from Japan, and then Korea – and they hold down six of the top 10 spots from 2011. Fifty years, ago, they weren’t even on Detroit’s radar screens.
   No. 3 Rambler, riding high under George Romney’s dynamic leadership of American Motors Corp. was successful in 1961 because it was offering the less expensive smaller cars more and more buyers wanted. But Romney left to be governor of Michigan and AMC was about to get swamped – first by a wave of competitors from Detroit’s Big 3, and then by a tsunami of cheap imports from Japan.
   No. 4 Plymouth for years had been Chrysler Corporation’s top brand but increasingly it became indistinguishable from Dodge and was axed in 2001.
   No. 5 Pontiac, once General Motors’ prized “performance division,” lost its edge and was a victim of GM’s restructuring following the 2009 bailout by U.S. and Canadian taxpayers.
   No. 6 Oldsmobile, which in the 1970s would build the best-selling Cutlass, stagnated, became an “old man’s car” and was phased out by GM in 2004.
   No. 7 Mercury once built upscale alternatives to lower-priced Fords. But over time its cars became little more than rebadged Fords. The brand finally was put out of its misery in 2010. Few people cared.
   I’m not saying that such a scenario will be repeated 50 year from now. But just because you’re riding high one year in the automotive business doesn’t mean you won’t be begging for spare change the next. Look at what complacency did for the domestic industry, so dominant a half-century ago.
   Recently GM and Chrysler got a good scare because of the recession. Toyota faltered because of sticky accelerators and its goal of dominating North American auto sales took a huge hit in 2010. In 2011, its Canadian sales slipped by another 8.2%, pushing Toyota back to fourth. The brand is starting to recover lost ground, but what if there had been a second crisis to affect consumer confidence hot on the heels of the first?
   Honda Canada’s sales also suffered in 2011, dropping by 12.8% in a year when the Detroit automakers were bouncing back from their own recession-fuelled disaster. But the company saw what needed to be done and is introducing more new models in this product-driven business.
Consumers are funny. And an attitude of what-have-you-done-for me-lately quickly can replace brand loyalty.
   So watch out all you auto execs who are riding high right now. Don’t get too fat and happy. History is not, as Henry Ford said, “bunk.” Ìt has a damnably perverse way of repeating itself.

Don’t just stand there looking, take it for a test drive.

By GLEN WOODCOCK

   Last week, courtesy of the cover story in the January, 1954 issue of Consumer Reports, I passed on some tips about “How to buy a used car.”
   My thinking was that the used cars of 58 years ago are the collectable cars of today and much of the magazine’s “10 minute test” to evaluate a used car would apply when buying a vintage vehicle.
   There was good advice on what to watch and listen for during this 12-step static test (to read it online, Google autonet.ca and Time Machines). This test would be especially useful if buying at auction when you can’t take the vehicle you’re considering for a road test. But a test drive is otherwise recommended before parting with your money, so here are a few things to do, assembled from common sense and the same issue of Consumer Reports.
   Before you hit the road check the engine for rust spots from water leaks or places washed clean by leaking oil. Replacing gaskets is time consuming and costly. A magnet is a good way of checking for bondo on body panels and, of course, the old way of checking for worn shocks by bouncing a fender up and down, and then seeing how quickly the suspension stops rebounding, still works.
   If possible, put the car on a hoist, or at least a hydraulic jack, and inspect for patches covering rust or collision damage. While the front end is off the ground, try to shake a wheel from side to side to see if there is a problem with front joints. This is also when you can check for oil or transmission leaks and for rust damage to the exhaust system.
   Just remember that today’s cars are vastly different than those of 1954 and that what would have been “Cadillac quiet” back then would not be acceptable in a modern heavy-duty pickup. Most cars still had 3-speed manual transmissions and most functions operated mechanically, not electrically.
   So let’s go for a drive – but beware! Bias-ply tires do not corner well and drum brakes do not have great stopping power, so take it easy until you get the hang of it how the car handles and stops. Unless aftermarket seat belts have been added, you won’t even have to buckle up.
   On the road …
   1) Turn corners, both ways, to check for binding in steering mechanism.
   2) Drive hands-off on level pavement to check wheel alignment.
   3) Watch car being driven away from you for rear wheels not tracking with front.
   4) Watch car being driven toward you for splayed front wheels.
   5) Test brakes for stops without swerving.
   6) Test brakes for fade by repeated stops on a clear road.
   7) Check for jerky steering and loose-feeling front end on rough roads.
   Accelerate hard to 20 or 30 mph and listen for transmission howl or grind, then
   9) Let up on accelerator and listen for engine knocks.
   10) Repeat the test for blue smoke, indicating worn rings, on a long downgrade or while slowing from high speed.
   11) See if car will accelerate smoothly from 15-35 mph in high gear. If it will, without jerking, hesitating or missing, that indicates the ignition system, carburetor and probably the valves are in pretty good shape.
   12) Drive at 40 mph in second gear, listening for high speed miss indicating ignition troubles.
   13) Shift rapidly from reverse to very slow forward motion to reveal driveshaft play and clutch chatter.
   14) If the car is equipped with automatic transmission, test for regularity of up- and down-shifts at both full and part throttle.
   15) Listen on a smooth road for disqualifying axle noise.
   If you like what you see, and how the car drives, then there’s only one check remaining: with your bank manager to see if you can afford it.
   Happy motoring.

1957 Meteor owned by Don Little of Campbellford, Ont.

   A couple of years ago, Don Little said he’d “had enough of the car show circuit” and sold his much admired 1956 Monarch Richelieu convertible at the fall 2009 Toronto Classic Car Auction.
   But that didn’t mean he’d had enough of old cars.
   Always passionate about Canadian-badged Fords (his first car was a 1956 Monarch), the resident of Campbellford, Ont. has a special fondness for 1957 Meteors like the one a neighbour had when he was a kid.
   Don found such a car through former newspaper and TV reporter Alyn Edwards, now a Vancouver public relations executive with a passion for vintage vehicles.
   When they were on the phone one night in 2011, Al asked, “Are you ever going to buy another old car?”
   Don confessed he might – if he could find the right 1957 Meteor Niagara 500 4-door. Not many of that model were made, but Al just happened to know where one was for sale, just 45 minutes away from him in Abbotsford, B.C.
   This Rideau 500 had been sold new in Abbotsford and a couple of decades ago had been bought by a gentleman who repainted it to match the one he’d had in his younger days. The exterior paint scheme was changed from its original yellow, black and white to Dresden Blue, Colonial White and Starmist Blue – a tri-tone treatment correct for the year and model. At the time the Meteor also got a matching blue interior.
   Other than that, and an aftermarket Continental kit, likely installed at the dealership when the car was new, it hasn’t been touched.
   But the Abbotsford man became ill before he could really enjoy the car and eventually died. Last licensed in 1993, it had sat in his widow’s garage for years.
   When Al examined the Meteor and deemed it fit, Don followed the advice of his friend, bought it sight unseen and had it shipped east.
Since it’s arrival last July, he’s not been disappointed.
   “The chrome and stainless are decent,” Don says, “and so is the repaint. It’s not Concours perfect, but it’s picture perfect. The floors and rockers are solid as a rock.”
   Indeed, in its handsome tri-tone paint, this Meteor is one of the best looking four-doors ever made – not just in the 1950s, but in any decade. And it’s rare too. Of 34,164 Meteors built that year in Oakville, only 691 were Rideau 500 4-door hardtops.
   Power comes from Ford’s 292 cubic inch V8 with 2-barrel carburetor and column-shift automatic transmission. This engine, standard on ’57 Rideaus and Rideau 500s, puts out 212 hp.
   When it arrived from B.C. the car was shod in period correct bias ply tires, but now wears a set of wide whitewall radials. Like me, Don believes changing to radials is the greatest thing you can do to improve the handling and driveability of an older car.
   Spring arrived early in Eastern Ontario, so Don already has had the car out a few times, although he’s waiting for some good rains to wash away the residue of road salt and sand before he takes it on a long run.
   The Rideau 500 was the top-of-the-line offering for Meteor in 1957. With a base MSRP of $3,096 the 4-door hardtop cost $662 more the entry level Niagara 2-door sedan with 233 cubic inch inline 6.
   Oakville assembled the 250,00oh Meteor in July, 1957. But the brand, produced by Ford of Canada starting in 1949, was gone after the 1975 model year.

Original 1975 ad for the 1976 Chevette.

   I got quite a lot of mail about the Chevette story a few weeks ago. Guess it’s because so many people once owned one of Chevrolet’s compact import fighters. The best letter was from Randy Lopushinsky of Thorhild, Alta. He wrote enough to fill the space for four Time Machines features, but with his approval here’s an abridged version.
   “I read your article in the Edmonton Sun about the Chevette and had quite a chuckle. It brought back some memories I thought I would share with you.” Randy wrote.
   “I’ve been a small engine mechanic by trade for most of my life but always tinkered with cars on the side. I bought cheap cars and made them great. My first car was a ’68 Chevelle Malibu I bought when I was just 16.
   “Around 2001 I was driving an ’80 Monte Carlo 2-door, 305. My then girlfriend, Kathy, didn’t drive. She never learned how. One day she tells me her mother’s neighbour has a Chevette for sale, dirt cheap. The engine was shot but the body was nice. A used motor was nothing for me to put in and I thought it might make a good starter car for Kathy.
   “One winter day, we went out to the west end of Edmonton to see it. We found it buried in snow. It was a red ’86 Chevette Scooter, 4-door. The body really was in great shape, but the owner told me the motor was shot. She wanted $400 for it.
   “I just laughed and told her she’d be lucky if someone pulled it out of there for scrap. When I said I wanted to try to start it, she repeated how the motor was “shot,” over and over again like I was stupid or something. I asked if she could just amuse me while I looked under the hood. It turned over by hand, so I hooked up booster cables to the Monte Carlo and cranked it over. It started right up and ran like a charm. The battery was shot, not the motor!
   “I actually felt sorry for the old woman and pondered charging her $25 for solving the problem with the car she said she loved so much. I thought I could get her a reconditioned battery for another $30 and she could keep her car. My heart did not want to take advantage of her. I looked at her while it ran and said, “There you go!” to which she promptly snapped back, “What are you going to do? Drive it around with booster cables?”

   “I could not believe she said that, shut the engine down and promptly made a deal to buy the car for $100. I gave her the cash and told her I’d be back to pick it up. The next day I got a ride there, put in a new battery and drove it home.
   It then received a thorough engine bay cleaning, right to the metal. It didn’t warm up all that well so I installed a carb kit, a new float, and a choke pull-off. I timed it and tinkered with the choke/fast idle settings until it started and warmed up like new. The plugs were fine so I just re-gapped and reinstalled them. I checked the tires, brakes, front end and all was well. I greased the front end and gave it a good hot oil change with filter. Next, I noticed how lame the dash lights were so I took out the instrument cluster, cleaned the dust from everything and replaced a couple of bulbs. The next night, I sat in it and smiled at how the dash lit up like a new car. I gave it a good cleaning, inside and out, popped in a strawberry air freshener. I was done. It ran like it should.
   Well, after driving it for a week, I realized no girlfriend was getting this. I just loved how cheap on fuel it was and handy in traffic. I actually sold my Monte Carlo, favouring the old Scooter. My friends and family marvelled as usual how I was driving a $150 car (purchase price plus repair costs) that looked like crap for style but ran like a Swiss watch. My daughters, whose husbands were buying them new Sunbirds and Sunfires, wished they owned the Chevette instead. Yes, it was a bit ugly but they sure liked the way it handled and parked, and they sure loved the price – $150 down, nothing per month.
   I drove that baby for over six years with no hassles whatsoever. Total repairs came to one set of brake pads. I drove that car, summer and winter, just loving it. To the end, that Chevette was more fun than any other car I ever owned!”

Write to Glen at glenwoodcock@hotmail.ca

This shot of the 1947 Ford pickup was posted with the original blog.

   You know that old saying, “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is?” Never has that been more evident than in this Internet age.
   In its short time span, the World Wide Web has played host to an astounding number of scams and hoaxes – some meant to defraud, others merely to entertain.
   Quite a number of these Internet hoaxes have centred on cars. And, thanks to Photoshop, there have been many attempts to astound us with images of oddball autos. Some, like the recent series showing the Smartcar outfitted with all kinds of sporty body kits, obviously are meant to amuse. Others, such as the 1965 Chevelle SS offered for sale on eBay as a much rarer 1965 Z16, was an alleged attempt to separate a fool from his money.
   Over the past little while a number of friends and acquaintances in the old car hobby have sent me a link to an Internet story about a 1947 Ford pickup from Whitby, Ont. that supposedly is so rare the Ford Motor Co. bought it for huge money.
   The story first was posted on www.hotrodonline.com in November, 2010 by a blogger from Whitby. I won’t name him to add to his embarrassment, but he goes by the handle madmike3434 and allegedly the truck belonged to his mailman, who convinced him the story was true.
   “These pictures show a 1947 ford 1/2 ton pickup truck from Whitby, Ontario, that was just sold to Ford Motor Company of Detroit for the sum of $800,000, plus a new Ford F-350 dually,” the blog began.
   “This truck, according to Ford records, is one of only 35 that was ordered and built in 1947 with factory installed McCulloch water cooled supercharger, special carburetor and special very low profile air cleaner for the McCulloch, due to hood height problem … Edmunds finned aluminum heads, Fenton cast iron headers, factory dual exhaust.
   “Other options originally installed on this truck: sliding rear window, installed outside sun visor, vacuum powered dash fan, factory compass, ashtray, smokers kit, locking steering column, dome light, inside sun visors, bumper mounted fog lights, some form of factory cruise control with knob & wire in dash.”
   Supposedly the mailman purchased the truck from a farmer who was the original owner, and who ordered it as equipped new in 1947.
   “What makes this truck so rare and valuable?” the blog continued. “As one of only 35 documented (as)‘originally built,’ it may be the only remaining numbers matching example that can be authenticated – and was by a team of Ford museum employees before the offer and the purchase was made.  Apparently there might be two other survivors that are in pieces, but (these) cannot, or have not, been authenticated.”
   As it turns out, that wasn’t all that couldn’t be authenticated.
   The heavily customized truck, while it does exist – and has been shown at Autofest in Oshawa, Ont. – could not have come this way from the factory, as many people have pointed out since the blog first was posted.
   The author claims he tried to contact Ford for verification, but received no reply to his repeated emails or phone calls.
   Really? This exposes another Internet problem: most bloggers are not experienced journalists and do not know how to fact check.
   I made one phone call to Ford of Canada and communications manager Christine Hollander settled the question.
   “We investigated the claim with our archives team and The Henry Ford Museum. According to both sources, the story is a hoax. There’s no validity to the claim,” she said. “Here’s a link to a discussion forum, where the author of the story says he was misled: http://www.jalopyjournal.com/forum/showthread.php?t=538579.”
   So you can look it up. But even though the story has been exposed as a hoax, it seems to have taken on a life of its own, as is often the case.
   Years from now some people will believe the truck really was built this way and that the admission of the hoax is itself a hoax, covered up for whatever reason by the Ford Motor Co.
   This is the way conspiracy theories are born. To end with another old saying, “Bullshit baffles brains.”

Write to Glen at glenwoodcock@hotmail.ca